¿How God spoke to me?

....I decided I did not want to sit and be a spectator. I wanted to search for concrete ways in which I could bring light to this confusion we have about mundane and simple things of life and raise our consciousness to be closer to Him. I took it upon myself to write a series of letters based on my file cases in which I approached many of the XXI century women’s concerns. These letters are laden with doubts about women’s relationships with themselves, their couples, men, sex and maternity, but above all their relationship with God. When I was finished writing them I asked myself again, “Why not ask HIM?”

I started praying and meditating and searching for his reply. My prayer was, “Filled with gratitude and deep humility I ask You to give me the answers to these letters in a simple and clear way. I ask You to please speak to us, men and women of the XXI century who need to listen to the God who lives within us so we can connect with you and flow with your love.”

As I asked for it, it began to make sense in my mind, so I decided to ask Him in a letter. This letter included my prayer but I also said “I ask that your answers are NOT scientific, literary, religious, metaphysical or complicated. I fervently beg you NOT to give me mysterious, encrypted, with hidden codes or only for scholars’ answers. I ask of You to give simple, applicable and understandable answers for all of us that search for clarity, intimacy and Your Light within our selves.”

“I beg You to answer me in such a way that I will know it is You whether it is in dreams, images, prayer, meditation, listening to your voice or through writing. Please help me in such a way that I can connect with You in order to spread your answers to all men and women who have shared their concerns with me. I beg you, please ANSWER ME! ANSWER ME! ANSWER ME! ANSWER ME! And I will be filled with gratitude.”

Some weeks went by. One day we went to our house in the Beach with my husband. Here Hans, my husband, meditates, does business or repairs to the house while I write or work usually by the sea. It is by this magnificent sea where I have had my fullest moments of intimacy with God. That day I lived the most unexpected and unbelievable experience of all my life. The beach was deserted and the sky was completely clear and blue. The sea thundered mightily and seemed to call me to its side. My husband was going to work all morning fixing the water pipes so I decided to go to the sea shore and meditate. I had a wonderful meditation hour and prayer and felt fully connected with God.

I was serenely filled with peace and tranquility when, amazingly, I heard a distinct voice saying “Did you call?” I thought it was my imagination and ignored it. A few minutes later the voice once again said “Did you call?” I paid attention then and thought someone was calling me. I looked around but the beach was still deserted so when I heard the same voice for the third time I though I was going crazy. All of a sudden I recalled my letter and prayers begging God for his reply over and over again. I was terrified when I realized I was alone before HIM as he spoke to me. I was overwhelmed with fear; I was confused and couldn’t make sense of what was happening. The voice spoke for the third time: “Did you call?”

My legs couldn’t hold me and my knees were shaking, my mouth went dry and I wanted to run. I realized then there was nowhere I could run, for the voice rang from within me and would follow me wherever I went. I was out of control and fell on my chair, sobbing. A shiver ran through my whole body and my head when suddenly I could listen to the sea as if my ears had opened for the first time. I was extremely afraid of the sensations in my body. Tears were flowing with no control and my heart and my mind were racing on their own. I tried to get up but my legs wouldn’t hold me.

For a moment I was regretful that I had called Him. All of this happened in a thousandth of a second, which seemed like an eternity. In my fantasies I was expecting His voice to thunder up a gigantic wave that would wipe out the whole town, but nothing happened; there were no thunders or lightning, the sea didn’t open up and nothing around me moved. I thought for a moment if this could be an angel or a spirit from another dimension. Imperceptibly, with my mouth almost closed, I mustered enough courage to ask, “Who are you?” Suddenly, I do not know if from within or from without there was absolute silence. The world seemed to have stopped, even if my eyes could see everything outside me hadn’t changed. It was then when I heard his firm and warm voice saying, “I am who I am.” I wanted to throw myself to the sand and bury my face but my body would not move. I could simply say, “Is that really you, God?” And he answered, “I am who I have been, Am and will be; the Creator of everything that exists, has been and will be in all the kingdoms, universes and dimensions; of all beings in all places. I Am, and you have been pleading for my answer. What do you want?”

My whole body was trembling; I was speechless, in awe and didn’t dare answer. After some time, I don’t know how long, I mustered enough courage to answer, “Holy Father, I am not worthy to listen to your voice; if I could I would humble myself before you. I dared to call you and never imagined you would respond directly”. He replied, “I am not in your imagination. I Am everything, I am within you and outside of you and of everything that exists. I listen to everything, see everything, know everything and speak when I want, with whom I want and how I want. Do you want me to answer your questions?”

My mind was blank; I couldn’t think of anything or say anything. I could only cry. I don’t know whether minutes or hours went by before I could speak, and then I asked, “Are you still there?” And the voice said, “Yes. I am listening.” Stuttering and very shyly I asked, “Did you listen when I wrote you my letter?” The voice answered, “Yes.” I said, “I would like to ask you millions of questions, but I humbly ask if you would like to answer what I have already asked.” He answered, “I Am and I have created every law in the universe; every language, and every code. I Am the feminine and masculine; I am strength and gentleness; power and tenderness. I unify all principles and every polarity and at the same time I manifest them all. You are asking me for an answer as the Creating Mother of all that is and as the Universal Father. From today on, I will answer one letter every day. You will fast from negative thoughts, you will set your Self at peace, in light and in sanctity through prayer and before you listen to me again, you will forgive all who have offended you throughout your life; you will forgive your self and you will ask forgiveness from your mind, you soul and your heart to all those whom you have offended during your life so that you can come to me with a pure heart and listen.”

Filled with awe and disbelief, I couldn’t imagine that being a “sinner”, and unintentionally having hurt so many and caused irreparable pain and damage (as we all do) God Himself would answer me. Suddenly he said again, “You have asked me to answer as simply as possible with the codes of the common people of your world. I CAN ANSWER YOU ANY WAY YOU WISH, IN ANY LEVEL YOU OR OTHERS DESIRE OR WHEN I DEEM NECESSARY. HUMAN BEINGS HAVE NOT REALIZED I SPEAK TO EACH AND EVERY ONE FROM HIS HEART, HIS MIND AND SOUL AND WITH HIS OWN CODE AND IN HIS OWN LANGUAGE. Do not fear, dwell in the Light that I inhabit you in Light. Open every space within your self, heart, soul, mind and body to listen to me about these letters in which you carry the voice for many more. I am answering thousands or millions who have the same questions you do. I will answer in this manner to anyone who come to me whit a question rising from the heart, if I consider it useful”.

Everything came back to normal. I could hear the sea; I felt the warmth of the sun in the beach, the sand beneath my feet and the taste in my mouth. I could move and get up despite the fact that I couldn’t stop shaking. Hans came looking for me and found I was completely speechless. I wasn’t able to talk for some time and my silence and pallor worried him, offering to call a doctor. Little by little, I came back to being myself but a few days went by where I couldn’t share with anybody the most sacred experience in my life until I could finally tell all the details of this encounter one by one. When I had done what God asked me to: forgive myself, cleanse my heart and remove every negative thought from my mind and heart, I started getting up at dawn to meditate. Everyday He answered the letters so that today I can present this book.