Letter 34: I don’t believe you

God:

I don’t want to ask you anything. I only want to say I feel sorry for you. I rather do this in writing since I’m sure you don’t listen when I speak to you. Tell me, what good has it been to be a good Christian for so long? Why did I go to Sunday school all those years if you were going to fail me? So many hours dedicated to conferences and bible studies and you weren’t there when I needed you. I studied the biblical promises for so long and you failed me. Where is the God that cares for his children and provides for them? Where is the God that has mercy on us?

I don’t believe you! My beloved Jasmine died and you didn’t do anything to save her! An innocent 8 year old girl and you sent her something she couldn’t fight—a brain tumor! My little girl fought through surgeries, vaccines, lumbar punctures, chemotherapy, intense pain and intolerable levels of quiet anguish that came with two years of hospital rooms. I can’t forget her beautiful black eyes telling me “don’t worry mommy, God will help me”. There’s your betrayal.

Why did you do this to us? Why have you taken the most sacred thing in my life? Was it not enough that you wouldn’t give me more children? Was it not enough that you took my husband two years ago? You didn’t have to take her as well. I was left with nothing in life.

Now I know you’ve turned your back on me. I’m sure that I can’t count on you and everything you’ve promised is a lie. I don’t believe anything from You. I don’t want anything to do with You.

Dear Anabella,
I can understand your feelings toward me and that you cannot understand why this happened in your life. Every one has its own cycle of life on Earth, with a beginning and an end. These cycles are designed and set into each being’s soul. Before you come to Earth, you all have a plan of what you must learn, of the mission you will accomplish for your selves and for others, independently of how old you are. Your husband, as well as you little girl achieved their missions.
Not Me or anybody else may have the right word that will comfort your heart, but each soul chooses the way in which they will leave this dimension according to their own lessons. More than asking you to open your heart again or telling you to believe in something again, I want to tell you that I can understand your anger and your pain. I understand that you cannot understand why they left. However, beloved Anabella, they each had a plan for their own life that allowed their lives to entwine with yours. I know your anger will not last forever and when it starts dissolving I want to suggest to you that you can be grateful for the time you did have them beside you, since neither your husband or your child were yours. They belong to life and its cycles, to the rhythm of their own souls and to the blessing each of them brought to you while they were here.
You complain to me for all the pain you daughter went through. You made the decision to put her through all those treatments; if she would have lived in a different time, she wouldn’t have gotten all the treatments and certainly she would have left much sooner. With this I don’t mean to tell you that you shouldn’t fight to save those you love, no; but that far from only remembering with pain, could you start honoring their presence in your life? You can lovingly remember everything you did have between you and accept that you did everything you possibly could, but it was their path, not yours. Such is each being’s life, each with its own path.

I know you are still angry at me and you can take all the time you need to be angry. It is your choice and your free will. I will tell you, however, that it was when you least felt my presence that I gave you the strength to carry on and I am still with you now, in the life you must live to achieve the mission you came to fulfill on this Earth. By the way, you did not come here to suffer. I know that your husband and your little girl were everything to you, but you still have your own life. I know you are trying to understand everything that has happened and that you believe I am directly responsible, but remember, every soul decides its own purpose on its own. It may be easier to fight with me than to find the courage to bring a new meaning to your life. You were all given the tools you need in order to grieve your losses and heal your pain. I am with you through this.

And even if you do not want to listen to me or believe me, I want to tell you again that I am always beside you; that I love you and that the moment you decide to come back to me, I will be there. Humans have many ways to heal all your pain, but what will definitely allow you to heal is that you let your anger go and you begin to give to others that which you have within. Your time and your mission await you. Your own life awaits you. Sometimes you wonder what you would want it for. I remind you that before you had a husband and a girl you had a life that was your own, and that if it is not at all easy now, you can reclaim it. With the maturity you gained through all your suffering, you can lead many others towards peace and light as you find it your self.

Whether you believe me or not, my child, you must know that I am with you, I take care of you and protect you. What happened to your husband and your child in no way mean that I abandoned you, on the contrary. I was with you every step of the way. I only ask you to remember who you are, other than a mother and a wife. You are a whole being, unique, with the gift of life and the ability to live it in many different ways. Open up to the possibility of living again and leaving your anger behind. It is also very important for your heart to heal that you forgive Me, even if you didn’t get what you thought you should get from Me. I am more than an idea. I encompass all the cycles of life and even though they may not make sense to you, everything within them has a purpose.

On Earth, each soul has its time to leave, whether you understand it or not. Each soul has its own mission and purpose, whether you understand it or not. Perhaps because you loved them so, you can respect that their souls took the path towards evolution that leads them through eternity.

Remain in my peace and in my light. I love you.

Letter 8: I don’t know how to guide my children

Hello God:

I was searching Google for “guidance and support for our children”, and boy did I get lucky! I found 2,940,000 articles in 28 seconds. Wow! It seems there are a lot of people asking the same questions as I. I’ve asked myself this several times, and when I think I’ve found the answers, a new list of problems pops up.
I’m Sandy, I’m 42 years old, and I have three kids—Luke, who’s 19, Greta, who’s 14, and Carolyn, who’s 9. I’ll cut straight to the point. Luke is a great boy, he’s good and has a big heart, but he’s had problems with drugs for a few years now. Greta is beautiful and has a great mind; however she has strange and somber friends and says she is “Goth”. I’m terrified when I see my little girl dressed in black, with skull t-shirts piercings all over her face, and black make-up and nails. I love my two children deeply, but I feel overwhelmed and terrified by their behavior. I’m horrified to think of the future, because I don’t know how to deal with these situations. Carolyn, on the other hand, is my shinning sun. Despite her learning disabilities, she’s my companion, and she gives me more love than anyone. I don’t know what I’d do without her.

I’ve been lucky enough to be a full time mother, which is why I was always certain my kids would never have the kind of problems their school mates were having. I was so wrong! My husband Kurt blames me constantly for our family’s problems. In my eyes, he’s the one to blame because he’s never home. He’s a vet and his job consists of going to horse farms all around the city. He leaves at the crack of dawn, and usually comes back around 8 o’clock at night exhausted. He works all week including Saturday; his only break comes on Sunday.

A few years ago, the kids would wait anxiously for my husband to come home, hoping to play and share with him. They no longer wait for him, because Kurt comes home so tired all he wants to do is watch TV, have a couple of drinks and eat his dinner without talking at all. When he does realize his kids are in front of him, he asks them about school and their grades in a serious and abusive tone. He complains harshly, claiming he breaks his back working for them, and he blames them for his economic problems and shortcomings. He makes me so mad!

Sundays are sacred for Kurt and dedicated entirely to watching sports. After a day of watching soccer and golf games, he’ll get up and check his e-mail. If I ask him for help dealing with our children’s problems, he explodes and the situation gets much worse. I’ve decided not to bring it up anymore and just deal with it myself. I know these problems could lead us to divorce, and if it comes to that, he would be entirely to blame. He thinks his only responsibility is to provide money for us. If he knew how we all felt! The kids are definitely more terrified than I am. Inside of me, I blame him for the family chaos we’re going through and I know he blames me. I’m furious at him and I resent him, but I don’t say anything in order not to rouse his anger. Things would only get scarier and more chaotic.
I’ve looked for all kinds of help to guide and teach my kids. I don’t know what to do God, I feel so scared and so alone.

What do mothers today have to do to guide and support their children? What am I missing? What am I doing wrong?


Beloved Sandy,

I sense the turmoil in your heart and in your mind regarding your children. I have watched over you throughout their lives and seen how much effort you have done to give them your best, to guide and educate them every second of every day. And now you ask me what more you can do? What you have done wrong?

I want you to know you have done nothing wrong, you have done everything you could. All beings have a certain amount of well being within them and with their best intentions do what they think is best even if the results are not what they expected. I know you have looked for all kinds of help but it is time now to get help for you and not for your children. You must heal within you all the wounds, the pain, and anger you’ve kept so long towards your spouse before you decide what more you can do for your children. You’ve made your heart ill with your feelings of injustice; with your resentment of what you lack and with fear that all of you share: fear for your children, fear of your husband’s anger and fear about the future. (Your anger and your fear have sickened your heart) You also fear yourself, because you don’t know what to do or how. You fear you’ve failed the project you have put your life into, your children.

My child, you must first heal and understand that you don’t hold everything in your hands. All you have sowed in your children’s hearts will somehow find a way and bear fruits, maybe not now and maybe not as you expected but life is now their own. Their present behavior might well be a way of expressing their own anger towards their father, however, their language and ways are also part of the time they belong to.

So I bid you now, not to assume guilt and responsibility and to stop blaming your partner. From his perspective he believes he has done the best he could throughout these years. Some times, women have a hard time understanding men’s code, who think that through hard work they are doing all they should for the family to survive and live well. Even though you do not understand his language, deep within his heart, his mind, from the strength of every cell in his being, from all the love he is capable of, he has worked for you. You both wonder (and you cannot fathom how much he asks himself) “how have I failed?” if you both have given everything you can.

Neither of you have failed, but you cannot have all the answers. Your children are the soil on which you sow, and sometimes mushrooms and weeds may seem to get in the way and damage the harvest. No my dear one, you must forgive yourself and him; stop blaming yourself and blaming him; heal your wounds and stop feeling this constant sorrow and pain. So when your children come back, even with earrings and addictions, they can find the warmth of love and joy to return home. Even if he is silent, worried and seeking refuge in his own thoughts doesn’t mean you do too... Your spouse is so worried he doesn’t know how to find his way out. What if you make the difference and heal your mind, your heart and your soul of your past and your present with deliberate intention? Maybe you will be able to bring new joy and lightheartedness to your home.

I must tell you something else. Could you forgive your children for failing to fulfill what you expected of them? Could you stop blaming and rejecting them as well? If so, they may find their way back freely to your love and listen to you and not avoid you.

Whatever you and your spouse gave them, your devotion to them was your choice and you mustn’t complain to them any more. You have done so out of choice, not sacrifice. Your children must not bear the weight of the decisions you made and do not have to pay in any way what you chose to give them. Perhaps if they are released from the weight of your claims they will not need to rebel any more.

And what if by healing you can open a new path towards them so they can really listen, if instead of judging, rejecting and scolding, you remember you too were once young and in your own way developed your own separate codes to be different from those who came before you? Be certain that saving your son from his addiction will not come through judgment and quarreling, which only make him more guarded. If you open your heart to his, there will be a space in which he might listen to your voice and accept his need for help. And if you need to ask him for forgiveness for something, do so. It is humbly, with love, without judgment, blame or shame that they may be able to redeem themselves. As long as you keep condemning them they will go back to feeling guilty and try to avoid their feelings through addiction.

Then, my child, remember you haven’t failed. You must go into a new time. Forget judgment and open your heart. Forget guilt and blame and set forgiveness forth for you, for your spouse, and children. Set your soul free and you will allow them to free their own. You do not have to be a perfect mother, not before Me or anybody else. You only need to go back to your Self and heal so that all around you can heal. You ask me to show you how to guide them. Well, what if instead of telling them what they have to do and how, you open your heart to them? Let them listen to you from within, for they have heard you long enough. And remember, I always walk beside you. If you want to write to me again, do so. I love you. Trust and fear no more. The seed has been planted; take care of the soil that is within you.

¿How God spoke to me?

....I decided I did not want to sit and be a spectator. I wanted to search for concrete ways in which I could bring light to this confusion we have about mundane and simple things of life and raise our consciousness to be closer to Him. I took it upon myself to write a series of letters based on my file cases in which I approached many of the XXI century women’s concerns. These letters are laden with doubts about women’s relationships with themselves, their couples, men, sex and maternity, but above all their relationship with God. When I was finished writing them I asked myself again, “Why not ask HIM?”

I started praying and meditating and searching for his reply. My prayer was, “Filled with gratitude and deep humility I ask You to give me the answers to these letters in a simple and clear way. I ask You to please speak to us, men and women of the XXI century who need to listen to the God who lives within us so we can connect with you and flow with your love.”

As I asked for it, it began to make sense in my mind, so I decided to ask Him in a letter. This letter included my prayer but I also said “I ask that your answers are NOT scientific, literary, religious, metaphysical or complicated. I fervently beg you NOT to give me mysterious, encrypted, with hidden codes or only for scholars’ answers. I ask of You to give simple, applicable and understandable answers for all of us that search for clarity, intimacy and Your Light within our selves.”

“I beg You to answer me in such a way that I will know it is You whether it is in dreams, images, prayer, meditation, listening to your voice or through writing. Please help me in such a way that I can connect with You in order to spread your answers to all men and women who have shared their concerns with me. I beg you, please ANSWER ME! ANSWER ME! ANSWER ME! ANSWER ME! And I will be filled with gratitude.”

Some weeks went by. One day we went to our house in the Beach with my husband. Here Hans, my husband, meditates, does business or repairs to the house while I write or work usually by the sea. It is by this magnificent sea where I have had my fullest moments of intimacy with God. That day I lived the most unexpected and unbelievable experience of all my life. The beach was deserted and the sky was completely clear and blue. The sea thundered mightily and seemed to call me to its side. My husband was going to work all morning fixing the water pipes so I decided to go to the sea shore and meditate. I had a wonderful meditation hour and prayer and felt fully connected with God.

I was serenely filled with peace and tranquility when, amazingly, I heard a distinct voice saying “Did you call?” I thought it was my imagination and ignored it. A few minutes later the voice once again said “Did you call?” I paid attention then and thought someone was calling me. I looked around but the beach was still deserted so when I heard the same voice for the third time I though I was going crazy. All of a sudden I recalled my letter and prayers begging God for his reply over and over again. I was terrified when I realized I was alone before HIM as he spoke to me. I was overwhelmed with fear; I was confused and couldn’t make sense of what was happening. The voice spoke for the third time: “Did you call?”

My legs couldn’t hold me and my knees were shaking, my mouth went dry and I wanted to run. I realized then there was nowhere I could run, for the voice rang from within me and would follow me wherever I went. I was out of control and fell on my chair, sobbing. A shiver ran through my whole body and my head when suddenly I could listen to the sea as if my ears had opened for the first time. I was extremely afraid of the sensations in my body. Tears were flowing with no control and my heart and my mind were racing on their own. I tried to get up but my legs wouldn’t hold me.

For a moment I was regretful that I had called Him. All of this happened in a thousandth of a second, which seemed like an eternity. In my fantasies I was expecting His voice to thunder up a gigantic wave that would wipe out the whole town, but nothing happened; there were no thunders or lightning, the sea didn’t open up and nothing around me moved. I thought for a moment if this could be an angel or a spirit from another dimension. Imperceptibly, with my mouth almost closed, I mustered enough courage to ask, “Who are you?” Suddenly, I do not know if from within or from without there was absolute silence. The world seemed to have stopped, even if my eyes could see everything outside me hadn’t changed. It was then when I heard his firm and warm voice saying, “I am who I am.” I wanted to throw myself to the sand and bury my face but my body would not move. I could simply say, “Is that really you, God?” And he answered, “I am who I have been, Am and will be; the Creator of everything that exists, has been and will be in all the kingdoms, universes and dimensions; of all beings in all places. I Am, and you have been pleading for my answer. What do you want?”

My whole body was trembling; I was speechless, in awe and didn’t dare answer. After some time, I don’t know how long, I mustered enough courage to answer, “Holy Father, I am not worthy to listen to your voice; if I could I would humble myself before you. I dared to call you and never imagined you would respond directly”. He replied, “I am not in your imagination. I Am everything, I am within you and outside of you and of everything that exists. I listen to everything, see everything, know everything and speak when I want, with whom I want and how I want. Do you want me to answer your questions?”

My mind was blank; I couldn’t think of anything or say anything. I could only cry. I don’t know whether minutes or hours went by before I could speak, and then I asked, “Are you still there?” And the voice said, “Yes. I am listening.” Stuttering and very shyly I asked, “Did you listen when I wrote you my letter?” The voice answered, “Yes.” I said, “I would like to ask you millions of questions, but I humbly ask if you would like to answer what I have already asked.” He answered, “I Am and I have created every law in the universe; every language, and every code. I Am the feminine and masculine; I am strength and gentleness; power and tenderness. I unify all principles and every polarity and at the same time I manifest them all. You are asking me for an answer as the Creating Mother of all that is and as the Universal Father. From today on, I will answer one letter every day. You will fast from negative thoughts, you will set your Self at peace, in light and in sanctity through prayer and before you listen to me again, you will forgive all who have offended you throughout your life; you will forgive your self and you will ask forgiveness from your mind, you soul and your heart to all those whom you have offended during your life so that you can come to me with a pure heart and listen.”

Filled with awe and disbelief, I couldn’t imagine that being a “sinner”, and unintentionally having hurt so many and caused irreparable pain and damage (as we all do) God Himself would answer me. Suddenly he said again, “You have asked me to answer as simply as possible with the codes of the common people of your world. I CAN ANSWER YOU ANY WAY YOU WISH, IN ANY LEVEL YOU OR OTHERS DESIRE OR WHEN I DEEM NECESSARY. HUMAN BEINGS HAVE NOT REALIZED I SPEAK TO EACH AND EVERY ONE FROM HIS HEART, HIS MIND AND SOUL AND WITH HIS OWN CODE AND IN HIS OWN LANGUAGE. Do not fear, dwell in the Light that I inhabit you in Light. Open every space within your self, heart, soul, mind and body to listen to me about these letters in which you carry the voice for many more. I am answering thousands or millions who have the same questions you do. I will answer in this manner to anyone who come to me whit a question rising from the heart, if I consider it useful”.

Everything came back to normal. I could hear the sea; I felt the warmth of the sun in the beach, the sand beneath my feet and the taste in my mouth. I could move and get up despite the fact that I couldn’t stop shaking. Hans came looking for me and found I was completely speechless. I wasn’t able to talk for some time and my silence and pallor worried him, offering to call a doctor. Little by little, I came back to being myself but a few days went by where I couldn’t share with anybody the most sacred experience in my life until I could finally tell all the details of this encounter one by one. When I had done what God asked me to: forgive myself, cleanse my heart and remove every negative thought from my mind and heart, I started getting up at dawn to meditate. Everyday He answered the letters so that today I can present this book.

Dear friends,

Welcome! I am honored to introduce you to my new book.
“This is …a book that joins Heaven and Earth. It is a God’s instruction manual given to us in his own voice. It is a manual to learn the use of free will to build human relations that will bring Heaven to Earth. It is a book that offers women and men a clear guide with practical solutions to the increasing turmoil in their human relations.”

Through these questions about life and the answers God gave me, I bid you to believe, enjoy, learn and transcend. I invite you to dive deeply and refreshingly into this miracle of light.

It is my wish that as much as I have enjoyed and learned from this experience you will too, and that together we may be blessed.